Kombuchin' like kombitches

There has not been a dull moment since Britt and I have been reunited under the same roof.

If you missed the memo, her house burned down two weeks ago and she has relocated to a twin size air mattress in my living room. Living the dream here folks. Read about that and other crazy happenings in Danielle and Britt's lives on TwoEvilActors. 

Anyway. We have been doing awesome things like making badass music, cuddling with copious cats, and adventuring down Alberta, experiencing all Portland has to offer....

 Like beer cozies and sexy ladies

Tasty treats like Salt and Straw Ice Cream

Photo courtesy of Salt & Straw's FB

And of course..... fresh brewed KOMBUCHA on tap at Townshend Tea House

 

Yes. Those are growlers of Kombucha... 64 fluid ounces of fermented deliciousness. 

#tarotcards #Lifecolors #soportlandithurts

Our growlers have left our side, nary a moment since we purchased them. Portlandia, you are missing out on some great ideas here. In fact, I think Britt and I need our own reality tv show. Mr. Shakespeare* himself once said "This shit writes itself" Can't argue with that....



*he probably didn't say that, but Britt wore a shirt that said that... so I'm going with it. 

Anyway, whilst the rain beat down upon the earth, Britt and I swigged buch straight from the jug and made insightful revelations about our lives. Let me translate: It was raining, we were stuck inside, so we read tarot cards and drank too much kombucha. **

**we do this when its sunny too...



"Too much kombucha you say? No such thing!" Ah readers... unfortunately there is.... Drink a growler in 48 hours and see what that shit does to you... shit being the operative word. I'll spare the details.

Alas, three days later we were back in Townshend, refilling our growlers.

Please note the crazed look...

I should mention that while Kombucha is fermented, it is for all intents and purposes, non-alcoholic. It has TRACE amounts of alcohol in it, but I think you stand a better chance of getting buzzed off a tablespoon of Robitussin. Britt and I are just this crazy, naturally.

For those of you who aren't living an episode of Portlandia, Kombucha is a lightly carbonated or effervescent(bonus points for THAT word),  tart, fermented tea drink. Its packed with enzymes, aids in digestion and gut health, and contains glucosamines for joint health. And like lots of other fermented foods, it likes to power-punch that immune system into action.

While it is really fun to drink Kombucha out of a growler, a much more economical approach to buch-swigging, is to brew your own at home.

Its super, super simple, requires zero special equipment-- just the desire to brew and the ability to handle a SCOBY.

SCOBY, not to be confused with Scooby, is a symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast. Its this squishy mushroomy thing you put in the sweet tea to make it magically transform into Kombucha.
Sounds yummy right?

I have no idea who this woman is, but she is holding a SCOBY. 

Scooby

If you can handle the thought of that, then you are well on your way to home-brewing your own Buch!
Congratulations.
If you keep reading below, you'll have the instructions too... WOW. WHAT A DAY FOR YOU!

Kombucha, home brew style

Things you need!

• Large wide-mouthed glass container, about 1 gallon in size, sterilized
• Ensure you sterilize with hot water and vinegar and NOT soap (soap is an antibacterial...aka SCOBY killer)
• 1 cheese cloth, or thin clean dishtowel
• 1 large rubber-band
• 8 tea bags, black or green (do not use flavored teas like earl grey or chai, or herbal teas.)
• 2 cups boiling water
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 SCOBY with at least 1/2 cup starter liquid. 
• You can buy SCOBYs online (and they usually come with a brew kit) for around $10
• OR you can get them for free on Craigslist from other Kombucha enthusiasts. Once you start brewing you will never be without scoby.

Lets do this!

• In a large mug or bowl (NOT the gallon container), combine tea bags and boiling water. Let steep for 5-8 minutes. 
• Remove tea bags and stir in one cup of sugar. Mix until dissolved. 
• Pour tea concentrate into gallon jar and let cool to room temperature. 
• Once cool, add in SCOBY and the starter liquid. The starter liquid is simply old kombucha that the scoby was previously brewed with. It helps kick-start the brewing process. 
• You may use 1/4 to 1/2 cup of white organic distilled vinegar as a replace/ substitute starter for your first batch.
• Fill the rest of the jar with cool water, leaving two inches of space at the top. If your city water is questionable, use distilled or filtered water.
• Secure cheese cloth over the mouth of the jar with rubber band 
• Leave undisturbed in a dark warm place for 6-12 days
• A new scoby culture will start to form on top of the tea after 3 or 4 days, this is a good sign! 
• Taste test your Kombucha after 5 or 6 days to see if its ready. This is really all about personal preference. The longer the scoby sits in the tea, the more acidic the Kombucha will become. Mine is usually great after 7-8 days.
• After the kombucha satisfies your taste buds, remove the both scobys and 1 cup of the liquid.
• Store the scobys and liquid in a lidded small glass jar.
• Decant it into bottles that have rubber stoppers or very strong seals. This will allow the fizziness caused by the fermentation to build up even more. Let the bottles sit for another week at room temperature to acquire even more fizz, then refrigerate them. BE SURE TO BURP YOUR BOTTLES EVERYDAY, otherwise they explode... with is no bueno.