Ginger Apple Pancake

Last night, I had possibly the worst sleep ever. The newest animal to move in to the house isn't adjusting so well. Queso kitty paces the hallways, jumps off counters, smacks windows, all while YOWLING. His mournful cries echo throughout the house, preventing anyone from sleeping.

I cohabit with three cats. I don't even like cats... that much. 

Thanks to Sarah Kloucek for the drawing.

We go through various stages to cope with his cries. 

I start off nice --- calling for Queso to come cuddle. 

Doesn't work

Then Shane yells at him. 

Yowling continues

Then I yell at him. 

He pauses, we get hopeful.... then starts again

Then Shane throws pillows at him. 

 He shuts up. I fall asleep, but only for a moment

Then we both try the nice, concerned approach once more. 

He starts again,  

But by now we are out of pillows to throw, so I threaten to throw other cats at him.  

Its a cycle between nice, concerned, and furious--- 

this morning, I gave up and hauled my ass out of bed early. 

So I treated myself to fun breakfast. 

Ginger Apple Pancake. I use the word pancake loosely here.... But whatever I concocted is delicious, simple, breakfasty and best of all coconut-flour and almond-flour free.

This makes one giant pancake. I've only made it once (this morning) so I guess it could totally be a fluke of delicious and perhaps any attempts to recreate will be disastrous. eh. c'est la vie.
Update: Made again this morning, and it was delightful. YAY for repeating!!!
I would recommend making these one at a time and not doubling the recipe.

Ingredients
1/2 apple, sliced thin
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp honey
1 tbls coconut oil
2 eggs
2 tbls sunbutter (or nut/seed butter of choice)
1 tbls unsweetened coconut flake (optional)
Crystallized ginger to top!

Let's Do it!
In a small egg pan (7 or 8 inch in diameter), heat coconut oil over medium-high heat. Add apples, spices and honey. Stir to coat apples evenly. Let cook for 4-5 minutes, until apples begin to soften. Meanwhile, in a small bowl beat eggs with a fork until fluffy. Add sunbutter to eggs and beat until thoroughly incorporated. Stir in coconut flake if using.

Pour egg mixture into the pan covering the apples. Turn heat down to medium and let cook. You'll have to keep an eye on this, as cook times will vary, mine took about 5 minutes on the first side.

 The pancake will start to bubble (like normal pancakes!) and this is a good indication that its about time to flip, but you should wait just another minute to make sure the bottom is browning and solid.

Ready? You'll need a large flat spatula to carefully flip the pancake over. The egg isn't as strong of a binder as glue-y gluten.

Once flipped, cover the pan with a lid and let cook another five minutes, until cooked through.
Top with crystallized ginger!

I'll show you inconvenient.

So our landlord deemed our  January flooding issue "inconvenient" She's charging us for damages to wall (ie mold) and dirt left behind after we moved out and the fact that the apartment was not pristine upon move-out...

Let's consider that she knowingly rented an apartment that was not weatherproof and described upon move-in that there is a small possibility of a minuscule puddle appearing in one corner if excessive rains came through....

Needless to say, nine months later, I was a little shocked when I came home to 1 to 2 inches of standing water over my entire apartment.... Seems more like a lake than puddle.

Witness the "inconvenience" yourself...

Also I apologize for the inability to operate an iphone camera...

Bring it World.

Fair warning: long post. But entertaining. I think. Also. Not food related. Unless you count the references to turkey sandwiches and rotisserie chickens

It has been a ridiculous month. I've abandoned any semblance of even a vegetarian diet. The contents of my refrigerator just confuses me, but really due to events (which will be explained if you decide to keep reading) I've reached the point of not caring. Rotisserie chicken? Sure why not. Hospital Turkey sandwich? If it'll keep the morphine from making me vomit, bring it.

Its not that I don't care..... its mostly that I don't have any energy to care. (I've stayed mostly paleo bootcampers, just fyi)

I've been cycling through bouts of crying, laughing hysterically, and screaming my fool head off in an attempt to process the events of the past three weeks.

Portland is a lovely place and like Seattle, it is subject to lots and lots of rain. I tell people I grew up in a puddle.

However, it is usually my preference that this puddle stay outside of my home....

My roommate and I came home after a very long twelve hour day, to find our apartment under water ---well 1 to 2 inches of standing water covering the entire floor--- and Moe the dog looking horribly guilty "I only peed a little in the corner"

The simultaneous need to laugh, vomit and cry hit me like a bus as I stepped onto the sopping rugs and felt the water disperse on either side of my stocking feet. 

Squish. Splash. Squish. Splash. 

I picked up a sopping pair of boots and the knit gloves I'd been working on for my sister. A little squeeze and water rained down. Just things right?? 

The next few days were chaotic. Danielle and I salvaged as much as we could. Wonderful friends took us in, until we had thoroughly convinced Francine, our landlord, that no our apartment was not tenable in its current state. Yes that was actually brought into question.   No we cannot simply lay some towels down. 

So. We had to move. Don't worry, the timing couldn't be better. January is ideal for moving, I'm rolling in the moolah, and its not like Danielle is leaving for a fantastic month-long dream-achieving adventure. 

Oh wait...

The apartment searched ensued. The Suz helped me search through the lovely North Portland neighborhood on rainy Sunday afternoon...

Apt 1

Description: A cute, cozy studio in the heart of the Kenton neighborhood.

Actuality: a comically small 180 sq ft shit hole, five blocks from the dancing bear.  Plus side? I could stir something on the stove while taking a shower. 

Rent: 695; deposit 1200 (FOR WHAT???), Required year long lease.

Apt. 2

Description: Welcome home to ParkView Terrace (I am already sketched out...). Two br 1 bath pet friendly apartments with access to pool, gym and across from the park. Give us a call and we'll welcome you home! 

Actual: Okay. I didn't make it into the apartments.... We called the number on the GIANT banner out side. 

     Apt. Guy: *grumble* hello?

     Me: Hi I am calling about the the Parkview terrace apartments.

     AG: They aren't open. 

     Me: Excuse me?

     AG: THEY ARENT OPEN, It IS Sunday.... What do you do on Sundays?

     Me: Oh oh I am sorry, I wasn't trying to disturb you, I was just......

     AG: Well I was  sleeping. What do you want anyway?

     Me: Well I did want to view the apartments, but I think I'll go elsewhere....

Apt 3

 Description: Willamette Terrace Apartments, in Cathedral Park area of St. Johns. Cute hood. Sign out front says "Apartment Available"and has a number listed. 

Actual: Again, I didn't get to see the apartment... but another entertaining phone call ensued...

      Little Crazy Old Lady: Hello?

      Me: Hello, I am calling about the apartment available in St. Johns?

      LCOL: Well I don't have any! (sounding very confused....)

      Me: I'm sorry? The Willamette Terrace apartments in St. Johns? There is an apt. available sign?

      LCOL: No no, I don't have any. I just leave that there....

      Me: Oh okay...

      LCOL: But I do have an apt opening up.

     Me: *hits face with hand* okay... great, can you tell me about it?

      LCOL: $695 two bedroom.

      Me: Great. Do you allow Pets?

     LCOL: What kind of pets? We don't allow pets. Well only service pets. But no dogs. So I guess service cats only. You know I have never actually touched a cat?

I can't make this shit up.

In the midst of chaos, I'd abandoned pretty much any semblance of routine. I finally made it back to my early morning bootcamp class a week after the apartment flooded. My little booty family welcomed me with open arms, words of encouragement and offered meals, places to stay and anything I may have needed. Unbelievably blessed to have these people in my life. Feeling great after a kick-ass workout, I started out to my car, with a little bounce in my step.

I took one step off the curb into, what I thought was a shallow puddle but turned out to be a clogged storm drain. Snap crackle pop and I was on the ground, wreathing in pain and swearing profusely. Cue tears and vomit.

One ambulance ride with very attractive men, a shit ton of morphine, vicodin and a turkey sandwich later, I was passed out in the Sunnyside ER. 

Diagnosis: Ripped all the ligaments in my right ankle, bruised the bones in my knees. No driving, no walking, physical therapy in my future. 

Cue insane laughter. 

Danielle rescued me from the hospital and took me home to our swampy apartment. My parents drove all the way down to Portland for the afternoon to make sure my foot was still in fact attached. Suz and Dave took care of me when they could. In spite of all the shittyness, I was reminded I have really wonderful friends and family. 

Barely able to walk, let alone move a couch up the stairs,  my bootcampers and the suz came to my rescue once again,  and moved all of my stuff (and I have A LOT of stuff) in a record 3.5 hours. It was an incredible sign of support. 

I've been sweating along side these folks for only two months and they dropped everything to help a fellow bootcamper out. How did I get so lucky? 

Things are slowly, but surely, getting better, but I'm still having the occasional breakdown in the middle of my kitchen floor.

 Last nights scene: newly-ish single (oh yeah add that to the fun) , strong woman sobbing in the middle of her first solo apartment because her dog ran away and dinner is on fire and shit keeps breaking and there is something living in the wall in her closet. 

Again, I can't make this shit up. 

***Update due to confusion. Things are fine. Moe is back and happy and chasing her tail 

breakfast of champions. vom.

I am so tired of eggs.


Seriously.
I've poached, scrambled, fried, killed, fritta-ed and omeletted....

The thought of eating another egg makes me want....to... bleeeehhhhhh. not eating eggy things for almost three years and then consuming them EVERYDAY is a big turn around.

My body is giving me the universal  "whaaaaat the helll" motion (like when someone cuts you off and you throw your arms in the air and go WHAT THE WHAAAAT? And they do the same thing, like its your fault for being your own lane)

I know I know. I'm making things harder on myself by not giving into whatever deep-seeded bacon cravings I supposedly have within.
Whatever.
I've never been a huge egg fan...
Example: The  only acceptable thing to do with a hard boiled egg is dye it and leave it for the Easter bunny.
Great.
Now I'm craving cadbury  eggs... I don't even like those.

But really anything with simple sugars would be nice. 

Ah the fun of sugar withdrawals.

I didn't realize how much sugar my body is accustomed to consuming until cutting it out entirely. I'm not really a big sweets person. Sure I love my juju fish (ghetto Swedish fish), the occasional trip to staccato gelato, but I'm not the I MUST HAVE CHOCOLATE EVERYDAY OR I WILL DIE  kind of gal.

But those sneaky bastards food processors sneak that sugar shite and loads of other additives into everything. What do you mean my canned diced tomatoes have HFC? Why is it necessary to add sugar, carageenan and other 'fun' things to balsamic vinaigrette?

Balsamic vinaigrette= balsamic vinegar + oil + emulsifier (I like mustard seed).

I'll slow my rant... Looking forward to finding some more interesting and less egg-tastic things to consume for breakfast... I found some cool Zucchini frittery pancake-y things that I may doctor to my liking... Who knows.

Barbeque sauce and banana muffins

GET READY FOR THIS AMAZING COMBO!!!!

post-combo that is...

Though people have combined some crazy things before... Maybe?

This week was tough. My brain was a flurry with all sorts of job shtuff, and well, there wasn't much room to process anything else.
At one point I found myself wandering around the grocery store precariously balancing ginger ale, an avocado, onion and maybe some sprouts. I had no plan. Sometimes, I just pick things up... Maybe that avocado really needed to be held. poor avocado.

As I hit lap 467 of my local fred meyer, I'd finally and half-heartedly decided on a dinner I thought to be acceptable. BBQ brussels and tofu. Nom. A Bye and Bye classic.

So my avocado and me (we've bonded) hit the condiment aisle in search of bbq sauce for our brussel sprout friends.

The first ingredient in every bottle of BBQ sauce (under 5 bucks, did I mention I am broke?) was high fructose corn syrup. THE FIRST INGREDIENT!!!! IN A 24OZ BOTTLE!!!
It seems that no tomatoes were harmed in the making of said sauce...

So cloudy brain and all, I decided to concoct my own sauce.
Whipping out my handy dandy indestructible smart phone, I scoured vegweb for a few choice recipes to smash together. The culmination was smoky, slightly sweet, with a firey mouth finish. I liked it. Sad to say that the rest of dinner was a disaster...I royally biffed the tofu. So much so, that even the Suzz chose to stick with just brussel sprouts and rice thanks...

I don't really have much to say about Banana muffins, other than that they are delicious and the recipe is below. Oh and I am trying to bring the muffin back to breakfast status (does that sound weird?), so these are low fat, whole grain and have a lil flax for that kick. They don't taste as healthy and hippie as that just made it sound....